Sweat Betul

Someone please do the honor of killing me now please T_______T cause I’m having the worst period cramp in the whole wide world and I really feel like my life is flashing right before my eyes now. I hate this time of the month cause I always get VERY SUPER DUPER bad cramps, those type that make you stop doing whatever you’ve been doing and feel like you just want to curl up in a corner and die that kind.

Haih I know, take the primrose oil or something but it didn’t work for me! The only thing that worked were the birth control pills but my mom didn’t let me take those anymore so now I’m back to suffering like crazy every month. I used to cry in school because of my cramps (yes they were and still are really that bad!) and not go to school at all. I had a very bad one few months ago and had to curl on my bed and cry softly and shanshan thought I was gonna die wtf

Seriously I hate being a girl lah! (I say the same things every month to anyone who would listen, albeit involuntarily) And the worst part is my cramps are usually 3 days long BEFORE my period, 4 days long DURING my period and nothing after my period la if after period still got that means I get cramps half the month wtf damn sad case that one.

So back to my long tirade on how I hate being a girl. Damn suck right guys will never ever understand our pain ok T__T Whenever I complain to my boyfriend and if I want to make him understand how painful it truly is, I’ll threaten to kick his balls wtf but I swear it hurts more than being kicked in your balls ok! I’ve described this very vividly in my blog before but it was a long time ago so let me paint the picture for you again.

It feels as if like your whole goddamn uterus is gonna fall out piece by piece and you’ll feel this suction or pulling sensation which is not pleasing at all T___T Not only that, you feel as if your uterus is being ripped out AND someone is kicking you from the outside right where your womb is seriously it’s 23952 times more painful than what I just described! If you don’t believe please go take something hard and knock it on your balls and multiply that pain by 10603 and divide by 3 no lah kidding wtf

Everytime when it hurts so bad until I can’t stand it anymore, I’ll go take the pink panadol that is meant for menstrual pain and now it doesn’t work anymore cause my body is used to it. Usually this cramp will hit me in waves one so now I feel it then 10 minutes later I’ll be fine and I won’t know when it’ll be back again (play peekaboo with me T__T) so if I feel it now and take the panadol, it’ll only be effective 10 minutes later which is when the pain will have been subsided anyway! Aiyah anyway it’s a very complicated issue la

And my PMS is the worst thing ever you do not EVER want to make me angry when I’m pms-ing. It’s not that I want to simply use pms as an excuse to my bad behavior wtf but it’s something I (and a lot other women) cannot control ok! It’s like asking guys to not touch a naked girl wtf (good examples wei *pats self) so whenever you get annoyed at your girlfriend who screams at you for no reason please remember this example, that you wouldn’t be able to prevent yourself from touching a hot naked girl anyway.

it’s the same with us ok T_____T except that ours sometimes comes with the unwanted feeling of being punched in the stomach HAIH DAMN SAD TO BE A GIRL LA if you are a guy now please pray that you won’t be reincarnated as a girl la become a hamster in your next life also better can eat your own kid and lifespan only 2 years so you get another shot at being reincarnated as a rich guy! Hamsters damn nice lah everyday just eat kuaci and run on the wheel and be admired by people in pet shop and fornicate with random hamsters wtf and eat your kids and repeat cycle

ok goodnight pain is gone, for now T_T

p.s: eh on second thought i don’t want to be a guy cause they can’t control their hard-ons! i guess i rather get very bad cramps every month than be caught dead with an erection by my crush or GASP MY PARENTS WTF WTF

amidst all that flurry of packing our bedsheets and kettle and books and clothes and winter coats and all that taping up of boxes, writing our names and class, wrapping nice stuff in newspaper so no one will steal them, deciding which tops i should bring back, weighing my luggage, panicking about how everything is too heavy and that we wouldn’t have enough strength to lug them all up to the storage room 34810 miles away…..

heck my first year is over already.

it’s sinking into every part of me clearer than ever now. my first year in college is already over in a blink of an eye and as much as i wanted to just leave this place and just go back home, going back is the last thing i want now. having audrey, angela, shan shan and mild to get me through my first year made me wish to always have them all by my side until i graduate. but the party will be gone soon and there’ll only be the two of us next year.

i feel like i did so much the past year and learned so much, more than i could ever imagine and if i have a chance to do it all over again, i would. i just want to do all this all over again, and again, and never have to move on. i hated this place so much when i first came but i think i’ve grown to really love it. i just really don’t know how to love it as much when most of the people i love here won’t be here anymore. sigh.

this past week really summarized my entire first year. fun. crazy. hectic. fast. emo. happy. sad. too much worrying about nothing. loved. well-fed.
i don’t think i’m too excited about going home yet but i’ll try to be. i know i will be. plane food, in-flight movies, malaysian food, family, friends, jiameei, home, here i come.

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p.s: i’m so proud of myself! since everyone is busy packing and throwing things out, i found my new favorite hang out place..the trash room wtf. i like to just go down there to see what’s free and yesterday, i collected a grand total of 5 things. free boxes to store my stuff (yay don’t have to buy!), huge sketch book to play pictionary/win lose or draw with (which i think is pretty useless now so i will have to just throw it away =( ), magazines whee!, a dust collector thingy and free bottles of water! yays! anything free is good ok bye

SERIOUSLY I’M SO ANGRY NOW!!! WHY DO I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO HAH HAH WHY PLEASE TELL ME WHY! WHY DO I HAVE 4 FINALS AND 3 PAPERS!!!!

so angry!!! why do those professors think we have no other classes except theirs! why must they give us so much pressure! seriously why am i doing this! why am i studying econ and history of chinese civilization and game theory and french! why am i paying so much and travel so far to cause undue stress upon myself! why didn’t i just stay in malaysia!

why am i here why T___T i’m so stupid seriously today i was walking with these two other girls from my econ class and i was telling them i’m kinda scared for the econ final and they said don’t worry the midterms weren’t that hard anyway………..what do you mean! i got C for my midterm what do you mean it wasn’t hard T__________T

i swear i’m the stupidest girl on campus why i everything also cannot do ask me to differentiate native rulers and foreign rulers in ancient china also i cannot do! ask me to interpret confucius’ the great learning also i cannot do! ask me about my prediction of agg. expenditure due to the US recession also i cannot do T____T i can’t even decide properly when to use passe compose or imparfait T____T

why am i torturing myself why do i have to learn all this crap can i just go to some cooking/cleaning school where they teach women how to cook and clean and stay sexy until they die please!

Haih let me be the first to open such a school la. everyday learn how to sew/cook/clean/do makeup/stay slim only so fun. haihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mary lyon (my college’s founder) is gonna rise from her grave and haunt me for life wtf cause so un-feminist.

complain so much also no use still have to get back to reality….like now……………………………….very sad angry frustrated annoyed huuhuh maybe cause period coming also. why does it suck so much to be a girl huhuuh everytime have to waste money on pads/tampons/bras and if boobs not big enough then feel insecure if tummy not flat enough then get called a wild boar HAIH

anyway this is a video of what we do when we’re bored/how i release my anger/why we are the fun-est couple ever

I KNOW I LOOK DAMN UGLY BUT I’M SUFFERING FROM ALL KINDS OF SADNESS/TRAUMA AND I’M FKING PMSING NOW SO IF YOU SAY I LOOK UGLY I’M GONNA MAKE SURE I SEND 119048194 VIRUSES TO YOU

no i’m serious wtf

p.s: eh i suddenly have a great idea! should i just quit college now and become a full time blogger wtf i shall take one year to study the skills of how to be world no. 1 blogger and earn my living like that! great idea suet! *pats self and throws books away

p.p.s: most beautiful french song =)

Today I achieved Nirvana.

If I complain that I have a lot of work (which I will never do again), she sits there and makes sure I do all my work. If I start chatting or reading blogs, she’ll clear her throat loudly and ask me to do work. Is this a healthy relationship? I’m starting to have doubts wtf.

I have the biggest dilemma of all dilemmas. You see, I have a boyfriend of 3 years (and 2 months this coming Tues!) and we’re so happily in love..when we’re not arguing. Anyway the arguments are not the problem cause I like it when we argue. So the other day we ran out of things to talk about (yes finally, after so long wtf), so we discussed this topic in great depth.

“Is it really possible to stay and love one person..for the rest of your life?”

If we do end up getting married when I am say, 27, we would have been together for 10 years then. 10 years + forever = a very awfully long time, isn’t it? I know if you do love each other then a very awfully long time seems like bliss but can love really do that? Can love really make up for I dunno..boredom? It just seems kind of scary to me, to date someone for 10 years and then spend your whole life with him.

How does it feel to live all your life with one person, wishing you’d met more people instead? Will I then regret for the rest of my life? Barry said maybe we should date around first and go back to each other later but then what if one of us finds someone better and the other one doesn’t?!???

Sigh this is truly such a big dilemma, Thelma. I don’t know why so many people wrote to you telling you about how he likes this girl but he’s too shy yadda yadda when there is a much bigger dilemma than that (like mine). I wanted to write to Big Bro too but he usually only get stupid dilemmas like how this guy couldn’t stop wanking everywhere he goes (trust me when I say everywhere..when he sees a hot girl in a mall, he’ll wank in the toilet etc eww) so I think my problem is too serious for him to handle.

I know what are you going to say. You are going to tell me to stay with him forever right? Is your name really Thelma anyway?

Tell me everyone, what should I do! Actually this is such a stupid question with no answer wtf. I put this as my personal message on MSN and got a somewhat neutral response. Some people said yes they believe that it’s possible and some said no and asked me not to be stupid wtf. Oh well, we’ll see.

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For CNY, I didn’t do much but I was happy enough cause on Day 1, we had fried rice which was really good! On Day 2 we had something like sweet and sour chicken which was sooo good too! On Day 3 we had Kung Po chicken which was good too. Those are the most chinese thing we can get here sigh.

And on Day 3 of CNY, I webcam-ed with my friends back home!

All of them =DD I was so happy!

Cibai..showed me angpows T____T Jess’ mom gave me one through the webcam hahaha but Jess is gonna keep for me till May.

We got bored after a while so we rolling our eyes wtf.

Them gambling while I watch in envy wtf. Sighhhh but it’s ok I’m happy enough to see them and have them see me too. Such is the wonder of technology =)

I miss everyone back home!!! Please wait for me to come back!

I start this post with the biggest and longest crying emoticon ever in the history of time wtf

T_________________________________________________________________T

I’m so sad today cause it’s Chinese New Year but I’m still stuck in this place. Here begins my first of many years of not celebrating CNY T__T

CNY is such a big part of my life. I, for one, strangely love to go visiting and go back to my hometown and all that jazz. (I know no one is surprised anymore cause I’m aunty like that wtf) I just absolutely love the sights and sounds of this whole festival. All my CNY celebrations had been somewhat similar and monotonous but I still love it. And I love the reunion dinner on the eve!

What us kids usually do is we’ll walk to this shop that illegally sells fireworks/sparkles/pop pop etc while our parents busy themselves with the cooking. We’ll miserably beg them for RM10, sometimes 20 and sometimes our very generous uncle will give us 100 so we can buy the huge box of fireworks!!!! We will then run and hop merrily to the shop and carefully pick our favorite explosives for the night.

Then, our moms will yell at us to go eat and we’ll go “alaaa wait lahhh” but as usual, I’ll be amongst the first who will sit on the dining table wtf. Thus begins the best dinner of the year where adults will all tend to talk at the same time and yet still understand perfectly what everyone said and kids will eat in front of the TV. Me? I sit at the table so I can get more food wtf. Pork, chicken, fish, vege, soup, more pork, roast duck omg *salivates. I miss that so much =(

After dinner, we’ll sit in the living room and start eating tidbits (my 2nd fav part of the day wtf). All types of nuts, cookies, PINEAPPLE TARTS, candies, KUEH KA PEK…..=((((( I’m so sad now I can cry wtf sigh last time when I was young I used to help my grandma make kueh ka pek ok I was the person who folds them in the end!!! anyway after eating tidbits and chit-chatting, we’ll all go outside and play fireworks!!!!!!!! woooot!!! I love the sparkles they’re so pretty =D Then the guys will light up those huge boxes of fireworks =D

The end of the first of many celebrations. The next day, we’ll all wake up extra early and get angpows from our parents =DDD but I usually get RM50 only wtf nevermind lah CNY is not all about money ok! *lies to self wtf. Then, we’ll go around collecting angpows from all our relatives and we’ll eat more more more and chat more and gamble! This, times 100, is how I usually celebrate my CNY. Extremely simple but it used to make me soooo happy!

My angpow money usually accumulates to around RM100-150 only and I always thought that that’s a huge amount but when I found out that some people actually get up to a 1000, I almost died of shock wtf. Sigh I’m hoping that when I go back 4 years later, relatives will give me 4 times of what they usually do..haih wishful thinking.

I usually don’t buy a lot of new clothes for CNY, maybe one or two tops and I’ll wear my cousin’s second hand clothes wtf why do I sound so poor like a peasant wtf but I don’t see the point of getting more new clothes when I’ve already been buying new clothes all year round anyway. My grandma used to make all my new clothes until I was 13 then she told me she couldn’t make them anymore cause I was getting too big =( . Then my mom had to force me to buy new clothes wtf cause I kept wanting to wear my cousin’s although got holes already one wtf sigh I guess my stingy-ness is innate one.

Ok lah don’t wanna talk about CNY anymore makes me feel so down =( Let me go eat dinner and feel all better *forced smile

Happy Chinese New Year!

p.s: i’m back to 48kg whoopdeedoo!

 EDIT: Latest update, please visit this site to sign the petition. This is the only easiest thing you can do to help the victims of the bus crash and their families. Thanks! (remember, it could be you next..)
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I hate it here I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!!!!! I hate the familiarity of my room, I hate the hot hot shower I thought I loved, I hate the cold dining hall, I hate this whole damned place!!!!!!!! I don’t want to be here! I want to go back to Malaysia and study in some local uni. I don’t care how sucky the education system is I just wanna go back home =(

I know everyone’s gonna go “shaddaplah there are so many people who want to trade places with you now ok!” I know but it just sucks a hell lot to be so far away from home. You’d have thought that after 6 months, I would have gotten used to this but I’m not. I think of home every moment I have nothing to think about (which is always). Seriously, I’m so tired of making new friends and speaking this stupid pretentious language! Manglish is so unpretentious and so..unrestrained.

Ok fine, I’m just pms-ing. I know how much shit I went through just to come here and how much my parents have to work to get me here so I’m not gonna complain anymore. And..I want my baby here =( It won’t be that bad if he’s here. If only we’re in the same college and stay in the same room. If only the weather here is warmer than -20 celcius. If only they have better food. If only this is Malaysia *whines

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I’m a little late in posting this but I’m sure most people know about the recent bus crash right? In fact, this is like the 3rd? bus crash in the span of one year or something that was caused by an irresponsible bus driver. It’s so much worse this time around cause it actually took the life of someone one of my friends knew.

Reading about it in the papers and in so many blogs make me sooo sad cause this girl is just like any of us. Young, ambitious and so full of life. 21 is not the age to die without a reason. 21 is not the age to end your life abruptly. 21 is the age when you’re supposed to find out what you’re gonna do in the future. 21 is the age when you’re supposed to find the guy you love and want to marry. So I’m thinking. Thinking about how it could have just easily been any one of us, thinking about how you’d have to give up your life for someone’s mistakes, thinking about what must have gone through her mind moments before.

Shit man that’s so sad. Do you guys feel it too? Feel that something tugging deep in your heart as you think along with me. Although you don’t have a clue who I was talking about, although no one you know was involved in an accident before, although you kept telling yourself that nothing like this will happen to you, but thinking about it just hurts doesn’t it? Cause we all know that from what we know about our public transportation, that very well could be us too.

Anyway, read more about it here. We have to do something about these irresponsible parties.

And:

Please post this on your blog now to help:

Chung Lern and Nian Ning’s families would like all families and friends of the victims, dead or alive, in the Slim River Bus Crash to come forward and join them in taking action against the bus company. Stand up to seek justice for these three innocent individuals, who were all so young and full of life.

If you have a blog, please call out to ANYONE who knows someone who survived or did not survive the crash to come forward to join the Lee family.

Make a huge difference, make a huge fuss.

For now, you may contact Lee Chung Lern at chunglern@gmail.com or preferably on his handphone at 012-6670368.

Please help?

P.s: my roommate is…..indian! haha.