Sweat Betul

I am so scared! A million and one things are running through my head now and I can’t seem to stop them (cause they’re running! hahaha wtf). So worried that I won’t be strong enough to lug my huge luggage from the airport to the bus station after 35 hours of flying, and not fast enough to catch the next bus and end up going back to my college late and wouldn’t have enough time to carry 14 boxes back from the storage room and will be too jetlagged to attend classes the next day!

Lesson number 1. Never ever try to save money ever again. I tried to get the cheapest flight and ended up having to fly to Boston and now I have to take two buses from there to get back to college! Bah!

Lesson number 2. Always fly back earlier! I’ll only reach the day before class starts cause I totally forgot about all that moving back my stuff from storage and jetlag and I thought I wanted to spend more time at home. Look how stressful it is now =(

I am also very scared cause I don’t know if I will ever find people who are like me and end up not having friends T__T I had Aud and Angie and Shanshan and Mild before this so I didn’t really bother making friends (and I cannot get along well with americans at all!) but now..I’ll be all alone T__T

Fuck lah I knew I should have pretended to like those people from China at least I won’t be so lonely now wtf..but they are like..a complete different breed ok =( and they always speak chinese not like malaysian chinese but like those ching chong ma chinese wtf.

Although I thought my chinese is quite good, I couldn’t even converse with them at all. Besides, I don’t want to always speak chinese cause later the americans think we’re talking about them how!

I am so scared to go back to my room alone too =( I don’t like looking around to find noone in the room but me and if I find something funny on youtube or something then I got noone to show it to =((( What if I go mad! What if I start talking to myself or create an imaginary friend for myself!!!

Hmm if I do create an imaginary friend I want to name him Zach, short for Zachary, which also happens to be the name of my imaginary boyfriend wtf. And we can do all sorts of fun things best friends so, like go shopping in Forever 21 and cook together and talk about our isi hati wtf

HOW LA WEI why was I so anti-social! See la lazy to make friends some more! Haih I feel sooo lazy when it comes to making small talks with people you have zero things in common with lor!

It’s 2am now and I have to wake up around 6.30 since my flight is at 9.30am but I can’t sleep! Cause I’m so worried and stressed and scared!

What if I don’t find anyone I can hang out with! Then I have to be one of those losers who eat alone everyday?? Or have to tapau food back to my room and eat while watching drama (actually I was already like this last time omg why am I such a loser T_T eh not everytime la sometimes only!)

Anyway I’m gonna write a looooong post since I can’t sleep cause heart filled with anxiety wtf. What have I done this summer..well I think this is a really good summer cause I felt like I did so many things!

1. Went to the gym religiously for a month! I went to the gym around 4 times a week for a month ok cause wanna make the most out of my money which was only rm15 la wtf. Anyway I think I didn’t get slimmer or anything but I sure felt a lot more confident about my body. Go to gym, people!

2. Ate so much! Wah I’m surprised I didn’t gain much weight lor! I think…cause I haven’t weighed myself in ages

3. Attended so many events! I’m going to miss all that nuffnang events T____T free movies, free food, free gifts

4. Completed a pretty good internship! Although I always had nothing to do one wtf everyday will either blog or read blogs or go icanhascheezburger wtf

5. Went to so many places! Redang and Penang only actually but felt like a lot

6. Got so much closer to all my friends. Sigh can I ship everyone back to US with me =(

7. Spent every. single. day. with my boyfriend. I’ve never felt happier =D

My life is so perfect in Malaysia so why did I choose to leave all that behind and go back to the gloomiest and loneliest place in the world! What if I sacrifice my perfect life for a good education and end up being a housewife wtf

Eh my entry so long you all got read every word or not! I write every word with so much tender loving care, better read everything ok! What if my plane crash wtf (CHOI TAI KA LAI SI) then you’ll never read anything I write again =(

ok if you read until here means you got read everything so I shall reveal one secret about me! Last time when I was 6, I got caned by my grandma cause I didn’t wear underwear to school WTF cause you know when you’re young you don’t wear panties one then suddenly have to wear then very uncomfortable ma! Then my grandma found out and asked me “lu boh cheng teh ko ah?? you didn’t wear panties ar WTF” then she caned me damn pain T_T

I think I better get some sleep. Don’t want to leave tomorrow T___T

Don’t be deceived by my happy face and happy pimple, actually very sad one

Bye!

Bye!

Byeeee!

ByEeeEEeeee!

BAD NEWS

BAD BAD BAD BAD NEWS

BAD BAD BAD BADBADBABDABAD NEWS 

ok I think you get my point wtf

Anyway I’m sure you all know my best friend and roommate in college right? Yeah yeah the pretty girl from China..the one you guys did a fan club for? hahah let me refresh your memory

anywayyyy, bad news cause…

she’s not coming back to college with me next semester

T_________________________________T

she was the ONLY thing that made me look forward to college and now she’s not coming back T__________T

she was the person I ate my breakfast, lunch and dinner with EVERYday and plan to eat with for my remaining three years there T___________T

I don’t think I can survive 4 months without her T____________T__________T___________T

She is taking one semester off BECAUSE..this gets worse..

She found out that she has a tumor   in her stomach and she has to go for an operation soon

I was so shocked when she told me this but fortunately, she said the tumor is not dangerous although it’s hugeeee and she will try to come back to college next year.

Get well soon, love

From me and all your fansi here wtf

She doesn’t believe that people think she’s damn pretty lor! Everytime I tell her that she got a lot of fans in my blog she’d deny and say no I’m sure they say that to be nice only, so humble leh!! I told her that I’m sure there are people visiting my blog everyday in hopes of seeing her pictures only wtf speaking of which!!

No more shanshan’s picture for the next 4 months T_____T Sorry to disappoint =(  But let’s all hope she will get well soon ok?

As for me, I’ll be living in an open double now since she won’t come back next semester..which also means that I’ll be the loneliest girl in the planet boohoo sucks to be so anti-social wtf

I also don’t like staying in a single cause I’m…scared..of ghosts T______T

p.s: finished watching forensic heroes II in 3 days! wow. and I got sick suddenly, flu, sorethroat etc although I didn’t even step out of the house the past 3 days!  T_T

Things are getting harder and harder each day for us and I don’t know what we or I did to bring us to this stage. I thought love always prevails but that’s not so true after all, is it?

3 years 8 months and still counting. But does that really matter anymore? Should how long we’ve been together be a measurement of how good things are going?

This sucks. I find myself trying less and less to keep this relationship alive. I don’t feel motivated at all when the future seems so uncertain. Distance and more distance, complacency, knowing too much about each other, feeling as if you can’t live one day without seeing the other and just so many gray spots.

I don’t like to live my life not knowing what’s going to happen next. I’ve always been the type of person who likes everything planned or mapped out in my head. I seek solace in knowing that my future is certain, or at least know which direction I’m going. But now, I can’t plan my relationship and it kills me.

He’s going back to college next Tuesday, and me a week after that.

not looking forward to it at all. distance. and more distance. uncertainties. and more uncertainties.

Continuation of Redang!

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